macher jhol...

A Bengali meal without ‘macher jhol’ (fish curry) is incomplete. The ‘mach’ holds the lives of many Bengalis, and though I dig mutton(kosha mangsho/kochi pathar jhol), chicken, pork and beef, there is nothing like a brilliant ‘macher jhol’. And this happens to be one of the many things i miss after i came to Delhi. Many a days, I slept dreaming of ‘ghee bhaat’, ‘alu shedho’(boiled potatoes), dim shedho(boiled eggs), alu posto, mushur dal, murir ghonto(a specialty comprising of the head of a fish and rice), parshe mach( a type of fish), pabdar jhal, chingrir malaikari, shorshe ilish, ilisher paturi, doi mach...the list is hopelessly long.

Ever since I was a kid, mach had been my favourite along with many other dishes. I’ve never been much of a quantity person than a quality one...in other words I might not eat much, but I love to eat good. Back in the days of Durgapur and Kolkata the realisation never actually dawned that how would life be without the traditional Bengali ‘macher jhol’...now i know the answer...staying in a hostel where they NEVER EVER serve you fish(save for the few ‘bird flu’ days, and that too badly cooked fish), made me realise that yeah..life without ‘macher jhol’ is like a bird without wings...well, I am this passionate about the dear dear ‘macher jhol’. and with no offence to the food habits here, man, 'rajma chawal', and 'ghatti ki subji' are poor or rather no substitute for a well cooked ‘macher jhol’...

Living the days like this, I once happened to go to C.R.Park, during my early days in delhi. C.R. Park(Chittaranjan Park) as the name suggests is the Bengali settlement in delhi with many Bengali cuisines scattered here and there, ‘babumoshai’ and ‘ma tara’ to name a few. That day when i had pabdar jhal at ‘ma tara’, I could at least locate the lost bit of life...since if not home food(I can’t expect heaven after all) the food was superb and the pabdar jhal was awesome. Some complained that 80 bucks for a pabdar jhal was too much...but I thought it was worth it..at least after days of having ‘rajma chawal’, I could finally breathe again.

It was a long wait indeed for a amazingly satisfying ‘pabdar jhal –bhaat’, but each moment was worth the wait...Long live ‘macher jhol’!!!

to be (a fool) or not to be...

It was sometime back, when I came to know this guy called Shujoy. He had wanted someone after so long; after what seemed to him like ages...and well, one and a half years is definitely not a short span of time. after all we aren't historians, you see...

the question is, was he wrong?was this unjustified? well, different people might think different ways and to each his own. dash it all, there ain’t an answer for every goddamn thing on earth.

it all began on that chilly afternoon at momo's point(a popular student's hangout),when he saw her...and he wanted her. he just felt that she could drag him out of the shit he was crawling in…and bring him out clean. he doesn’t know her name, what she does, where she stays…in short, he doesn’t have the slightest damn clue about her. just that he happened to see her at an eating joint. he visited the place twice after that with absolutely no darned work to do, just to pursue the dream he had dreamt. Tens and thousands of girls – cute ones, ugly ones, fat ones, slim ones, he suffered them all…but that dream just remained a dream…

I sometimes hear them say, life gives you just one chance – grab it or leave it. well as for the one 'chance' all he could do was to curse himself that why on earth didn’t he go up to her that day? But hey,before i hear you guys say, "jackass", lets hear him out. you see, the thing is, she was gone...and yeah...it happened just like that…within a second. One moment he saw her right there and the very next moment she’s gone. Was that a fair chance?

I don’t know if at all this is possible…after all life isn’t a cliched bollywood flick. And reality hurts…hell, he knows that, doesn’t he? But yet, knowing and being fully aware of all this, he still wants her, by some miracle…by some goddamn miracle. Are all his ideas about love so false…so wrong, so bloody screwed up?

hah, now the question is, do we care?i mean, beat this fellas,the jerk went to the same restaurant twice after that for abolutely NO work...and mind you, he didnt go there to HOG...I mean, how silly can a person be??what does he have instead of a brain?something filled with rosy, romantic thoughts?did he seriously think even for a moment that he would see her?one face amidst the teeming , millions of students?ok, now give me a break...i wouldn't even call hm a die-hard romantic...just a dumb jerk...

hell shujoy, what you actually need is a real great clean-up of your brain..so long buddy...

shantiniketan trip...

when 13 super crazy freaks decide to get together, what results is something like the shantiniketan trip. with an awesome place to stay(thanks to bibo) with an amazing slope on the roof(makes u wanna fly), the shantiniketan trip was FUN right till the moment we crashed back into our respective homes(sabya and I at ajoo's). barbeque with bacardi rum, 'mangshor jhol'(chicken curry),maggi, 'kacha shobji'(raw vegetables), shonar tori( resaurant), 'moving star' and 'merging steps'(when miki and I were flying), 'assistant police commisonar', 'logno'(sacred hour), 'netted blouses', 'mohua'(local liquor)...I guess we did it all. even at the time, when we had to return, we were still sitting on the terrace over a few drinks at 6 p.m., while the train was scheduled at 6.15 p.m. although bibo's place was quite near to the station...but nonetheless...the way we ran for the train...(two of us even had to speak to the driver of the train to wait for a minute or so!!!)..all in all, we had the time of our life...and life was never better...

dust and bones...

to the intellectuals and pseudos, friends and foes, simple-hearted and snobs, lovers and ditchers[:P], all in all we're just another brick in the wall...

to the painless joys and shreiking pleasures, the sweet, vague wanderings and endless waits, the weird dreams and weirder realities, the soaked moments in the rain and shades in the sun, all we are is dust in the wind...

"Naked silver shines on thine eyes,

Smiles the heavens to see such a joy unfold"...

burn me down...

Burn Me Down…

In the middle of the night,
You turned off the lights,
There is no one beside, when I burn…
Leaving the lost way,
I still can hear them say,
And then I feel the ray, of the sun-
There is no one beside, when I burn…

Burn me down, with your heart,
Burn me down, I'm torn apart,
Burn me down with the glow of your eyes…
Burn me down, in my pain,
Burn me down, when it rains,
Burn me down with the touch of your lies…
Burn me down, today,
As you burnt me, yesterday,
Burn me down, 'cause I'm burning again…

Wrapped up in the sky,
And the vision of the blind,
I still can hear you cry, all alone,
When you had your last say,
When you told me, "go away",
And I searched for a way, back home,
'cause then you felt the ray, of the sun,
Is no one there beside, when I burn…

Burn me down, with your heart,
Burn me, I'm torn apart,
Burn me down with the beauty of your eyes…
Burn me down, with my pain,
Burn me down, when it rains,
Burn me down with the touch of your lies-
Burn me down, just today,
As you burnt me, all these days,
Burn me down, 'cause I'm burning again…
Burn me down…

Somewhere deep inside,
I thought I saw a light,
When she came into my life, and I burn…
Touch me with your eyes,
In the silence of the night,
Tell me you'll be mine, 'cause I burn-
There is no one beside, when I burn…

Burn me down, with your heart,
Burn me down, I'm torn apart,
Burn me down with the glaze of your eyes…
Burn me down, burn today,
As you burnt me that day,
Burn me down, 'cause I'm burning to die…
Burn me down, with your kiss,
Burn me down, in that bliss,
Burn me down with that warmth of your smile…
Burn me down, 'cause I'm burning again-
Burn me down…

- Siddhartha.

fly away...

Fly Away.

Like the angels aren't there, I've lost my protection,
And it seems so far away, I've lost her somewhere in the way,
She's smiling at me forever in my hallucination…
I walk the dawn, I've felt her sometime in the morn,
Hold a mirror, someone has to see my reflection…

Fly down, fly away, fly away like you don't know me,
Fly away like there are no memories,
Sometime, somewhere I'll hold you in the rain,
And you fly away, like you never knew me in my pain…

Like the wind ain't blowing, and the stars ain't up,
And though the ways are closed now, but still I hope in vain,
She kisses me in the night, when the moon ain't up,
As I hold the rain, I feel her somewhere in my pain,
Hold a candle, since the sun ain't up…

Fly away, fly away, fly away like you don't know me,
Fly away like there are no memories,
Someday, somewhere maybe I'll join you once again,
And you fly away, like you never knew me in my pain…

And I sing for you in the lone evening, when the stars ain't up,
The life comes back down the stony way, when the stars ain't up,
And since you wanna fly away of my world, the stars ain't up,
As I hold the rain, I feel her somewhere in my pain…

Like the angels aren't there, and I've lost my protection,
And it seems so far away, I've lost her somewhere in the way,
She's smiling at me forever in my hallucination…
I walk the dawn, I've felt her sometime in the morn,
Hold a mirror, someone has to see my reflection…

- Siddhartha.

and this is love...

And this is love…amidst the foggy days and the thick haze…
When I find a solace in your soft arms, protected and liberated,
When we surrender together to the bliss of our beings-
And this is love…so pure and undefined,
As I lose myself in the beauty of those eyes…
And the briefest moments eternalised by your smile…

-Siddhartha.

deliverance

DELIVERANCE.

The rest o' the life will be forgotten in my pain,
The rest is no joy for the dead and weary soul,
The old and nice time all spent
Half in sorrow and half in apprehensive rain...
The lake swells up in desire,
It rages in its own frustration swaying its wild hair,
Follow it not to the dungeons dark and steep,
Methinks, i lie with the serpent on the pyre...
And when it comes storming and shrieking,
The other side of my life ceases to live,
The other happy and damned joys
Fails to make this heart a-living...

Hope once more, and raise the head,
Strike the monster and fill it with dread,
Hurt it now as you had bled,
Let it fall in the dungeons' depth...
Rise, Rise and Rise again
And rise as you had never risen before,
Live today since the world's at your feet ,
Live like there's no tomorrow...

Follow it not to the dungeons dark and steep,
Methinks...I lie with the serpent...unnecessary and unaccomodated...

it's alright...

why don't they speak up?do the lack the courage, the hardcore guts or is it because they're plain indifferent? and then, why do you care? a life, is all you need...simple, life...since it's not so simple after all...